Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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