the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
