I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
