Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
