If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
