the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
