i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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