Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
