As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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