Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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