you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
