he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
