but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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