home. puking in laundry basket.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
