just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
