She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
