God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
