it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
