just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pray to the hookup gods
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
