this beer tastes like vomit already
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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