If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
