I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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