the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
