I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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