It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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