Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
