I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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