At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
