I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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