If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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