my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Non-Jews are for practice
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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