Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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