I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
