Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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