i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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