It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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