we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
