So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
