just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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