The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
