He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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