sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
