Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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