my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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