don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
