and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
