Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
