its not stalking. its research.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
