i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
