i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
