It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
