I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
two words: eviction party
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
