Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
