Umm I'm too high to move.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize