someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I supernannyed him into submission
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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