Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
