just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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