I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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