Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
