I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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