dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
