Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
