I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
