pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
