would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
