If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
