She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
