I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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