My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
