Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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