dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
