Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
