Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
