I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
