I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
