hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
smell my finger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
