i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
