totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
