I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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