i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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