Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize