You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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