No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
